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Current Terror Level:
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Ouch, my legs

In a single car accident situation where the car crashes into a wall at 40 MPH, the teeny MINI Cooper is safer than the hulking Ford F150. My favorite statistic? The Honda Accord causes less deaths per million drivers than the Ford Taurus. Who knew that Diane was such a death trap compared to Marla?

Friday, May 21, 2004
Camry Crashes Through Tax Store

A Delaware man crashed his Toyota through a Jackson Hewitt tax shop. I GUESS HE WASN'T SATISFIED WITH HIS REFUND HAHAHAHAHAH OMGLOLROFLLMAO. (Thanks, Smelly!)

Thursday, May 20, 2004
VoIP blows goats

Noel and I recently ordered VoIP from a company that shall remain nameless (COUGH COUGH AT&T). Voice over IP basically provides you with regular phone service through your high-speed internet connection. The one low price was attractive, as were the many features that came with it (call logs, e-voicemail, web management).

Today, FedEx delivered a telephone adapter (TA) that would connect directly to the cable modem (before the router) and a regular old phone so we could activate our serivece. This was the first sign of trouble: all our internet traffic was going through the TA. Creepy.

So Noel goes through the steps of setting up the business, and once he was successful, he placed a test phone call to his dad. At this point, I decided to do the "porno test". I brought up a page with dozens of pictures get the idea. Strangely enough, the page was loading ultra-slow. "Why," I thought to myself, "would porno that normally comes up so fast be loading so slowly?" MAYBE BECAUSE NOEL'S DUPLEXED TELEPHONE CONVERSATION WAS USING BANDWIDTH! The VoIP uses up an enormous chunk of our bandwidth; enough to slow our 1.4Mbps cable modem connection to a seemingly 56k dialup level. Needless to say, our next step was to call this company and cancel the service before they switched our phone number over from POTS to VoIP.

Friday, May 14, 2004
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring

Bananaphone! (if you haven't seen this yet, where have you been??? (Thanks, Chrissie!)

Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Krispy Kreme closing Cackalacky store, among others


Moosehead Lager

The Canadian beer of the month for May 2004 is Moosehead Lager. Delish!

Tuesday, May 11, 2004
The next great way to waste your time

This addictive game from Orisinal is called The Amazing Dare Dozen. It's pretty simple: toss your egg progressively higher from cup to cup. (Thanks, Chrissie!)

West Virginian makes good

Everybody's favorite soldier/Iraqi torturer, Lynndie England, is a hero in her West Virginia trailer park. So sayeth the local barfly:
Tormenting Iraqis, in her mind, would be no different from shooting a turkey. Every season here you're hunting something. Over there, they're hunting Iraqis.

Monday, May 10, 2004
Comments are live

From here on out, y'all can comment on each of my shitty, infrequent posts. Figure out how to do it yourself. I don't have time for you. Hooray for progress. Goodbye to the tag-board.