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Current Terror Level:
Monday, December 31, 2001

If you do a search for "port-a-john pics" at Google, the fifth result is from July 2001. How sad...

Friday, December 28, 2001

This fellow was on American Airlines flight 63 when Richard Reid decided to give himself the hot-foot. He recounts his experiences on said flight, and says that after Reid was restrained and sedated
"the crew decide to show the film "Legally Blonde" to calm us down."
I saw 20 minutes of "Legally Blonde" last night. That would NOT have calmed me down. In fact, seeing that terrible movie would have riled me up good...I'm surprised nobody else tried to blow up the plane after they started showing such dreck.

Thursday, December 27, 2001

It's been a very slow week on the World Wide Web. And it's also been very slow on AIM. At this moment, only five of my buddies are online, and all five have their away messages up. How lonely! Please IM me: robofnj.

Monday, December 24, 2001

Do you think that you could down a tablespoon of cinnamon without spitting it out or vomiting? Yeah, right.

Saturday, December 22, 2001

All I want for Christmas is a Turducken.

Friday, December 21, 2001

You know, it's bad enough that those stupid bloated Cleveland Browns fans had to ruin plastic beer bottle sales for the rest of the NFL stadiums, but now some Neanderthal in Empire, California might have ruined plastic water bottle sales at middle school girls' basketball.

John Hogan's website understatement has been updated. It's got dating advice.

Thursday, December 20, 2001

I enjoy the interesting segues between my MP3s randomly enqueued in my Winamp playlist. First, I heard REM perform Country Feedback live for MTV Unplugged. The file ended with Michael Stipe introducing the next song in the set:
...and that's why we're doing this song tonight. We hope you enjoy it, it's very old...from a very different time in our's quite a beautiful song
and then the next song I hear is Britney Spears - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. What a strange juxtaposition.

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

The hardest thing I've ever had to learn to deal with was that I don't know everything. That was just about a year and a half ago. Have you reached that point? I bet you learned it alot sooner in the course of your life than I did. It's a very difficult thing to deal with when you've been this ironic smartass your entire life.

Today, I saw The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. My favorite line from the movie:
"I know it was you, Frodo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."
Oh wait...

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

You can now search through catalogs at Google. Imagine being able to search through LL Bean, Crate & Barrel, The Sharper Image and many others all in one simple's perfect for last-minute holiday gifts!

Monday, December 17, 2001

Vandals and thieves in Cedar Rapids, Iowa have been targeting lighted reindeer and baby Jesus figurines in the latest Christmas-decoration crime spree. But not to worry, says Cedar Rapids police Sgt. Cristy Hamblin:
"Either Jesus or Santa is going to find them in the end. They will have to face either one of them."
Oh, so Jesus and Santa have replaced the court system in Iowa?

Saturday, December 15, 2001

Tonight I saw Vanilla Sky and it was both thrilling and charming. I won't mention anything about plot, subtexts, theme, or my interpretation of the movie because I wouldn't want to spoil anything for you. But I will give you this information taken from Roger Ebert's review of the film:
Early in the film, there's an astonishing shot of Tom Cruise absolutely alone in Times Square. You might assume, as I did, that computers were involved. Cameron Crowe told me the scene is not faked; the film got city permission to block off Times Square for three hours early on a Sunday morning. Just outside of camera range there are cops and barricades to hold back the traffic.
Cool. Some people might say that Cameron Crowe has a heavy hand when it comes to film-making, but some people don't share my taste in le ciné. Cameron Crowe is my favorite film-maker.

Friday, December 14, 2001

Nothing is more absurd than reading translated into Spanish and then translated back into English. Ah, the various intricacies of language...a sample line:
"But I had taste of the flag with the first one of our needles of the Christmas tree. Robbery, I think that you made the good work on that one."
Also amusing is the doubly translated subtitle:
"December he will be again in"

Michelle asked me to put up even more pictures from her party this past November. I guess this cements our reputation as the most annoying camera-crazy siblings in the universe.

Thursday, December 13, 2001

Um, I would just like to state that I was *NOT* consulted on the re-design of this site. And my feelings are much the same as Keith's. I think that this will just confirm everyone's suspicions that I am merely a figurehead here at, and that I have no real authority or input on the site. Okay, I best stop here, or Rob will take away my "edit" button again. But I did like the banner with the close-up of our Christmas tree needles. Rob, I think you did good work on that one.

Wednesday, December 12, 2001

I've already heard one complaint regarding the new design of, Keith...I presume that other complaints are going unspoken. I guess I'll have to bring back the old design...someday. Is the looseleaf paper motif lame and unoriginal? I scanned in my own piece of paper, you know. And I spent a good hour photoshopping it and re-coding the html...that was an hour I should have been doing productive work. Oh well!

This story about Steve Lowery of Springboro, Ohio, a man who comes home to find a dead burglar on his floor, isn't really that interesting until you imagine what your reaction might be if you had been in Mr. Lowery's shoes. AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! A BURGLAR!!!!!!! Oh. He's dead.

Monday, December 10, 2001

For fans of Star Wars and Clerks (that's pretty much every geek I know), please enjoy this delightful parody movie trailer.

Sunday, December 09, 2001

Acts of Gord is a chronicle written by a Canadian video game store owner who seems very much like Comic Book Store Guy from the Simpsons. The best part of the site is his unending list of annoyances, where he documents all the things customers do to annoy him. A sample exchange:
Customer walks up to the counter with two games in hand.
"You do trades right?"
"You can trade in anything video game related for credit."
"Great! Here, how much for these?"
Customer puts 4 VHS tapes on the counter. All $9 old rentals from video stores as their stickers are still on the boxes.
"I wouldn't say those are video game related."
"Your sign says 'Videos and games! Buy, rent and trade!'"
"Sir, it reads 'Video Games.'"
"Still, it's misleading."
"Only if you're retarded."

Saturday, December 08, 2001

Last night my friends and I were at the local watering hole, Tiffany's, enjoying typical pub fare (southwesternchickenwingquesadillaburgerskins) when who should appear but the corpulent proprietor, Tony Siragusa. He's very large and very New Jersey (originally from Kenilworth). Too bad he's not a Giant. He would be even bigger...

Friday, December 07, 2001

The headline could have read: "Man dies after getting hanged by tangled Christmas lights." Instead, it reads something closer to "Idiots scared by faux holiday display." ad-free.

Thursday, December 06, 2001

So I'm working PR for the Parsippany Library until my new full-time job starts in two weeks. Every week I sent an article to the local paper in an effort to get new bodies into the library. My article for this week was AWESOME if I don't say so myself. And they edited it down to a mindless series of one sentence paragraphs and left out all my witty lines. So read the full text of the article, and feel free to drop me a line and tell me just how clever I am.

Friday, December Seventh, 2001...our cousin Matt Sidie turns seventeen...I don't need to remind you people to STAY OFF THE ROADS AND SIDEWALKS anywhere near Berkeley Heights, New Jersey. Seriously, though, drop him a line and wish him a hap-hap-happy freakin birthday. He's a great kid. And while you're at it, drop my cousin Chrissie a line, too because she rocks.

Everything's Cool from the new Lit album "Atomic" is my new favorite song. You can listen to it in my Yahoo briefcase . Here's the catch - when you listen to it you have to sing these lyrics when you here the first verse - I hit the parkway by 3 And the traffic by 4 I’m thinkin’ about the shit that I pulled the week before And by the Osprey at midnight everything is cool again Cuz I'll be back in the Squan! will be undergoing some behind-the-scenes changes within the next 24 hours or so as we change hosts from Yahoo to Pair be patient if is unavailable for a while...and pray that it doesn't disappear.


Wednesday, December 05, 2001

A Japanese woman flew from Tokyo to Minneapolis on a quest to find buried treasure but she died trying. The twist? She was looking for money buried in the movie "Fargo." I guess she didn't have a good grasp of the line between reality and fiction.

Monday, December 03, 2001

Bob Hope is dead?!? No, you idiot...but the rib king of Cincinnati is.