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Thursday, June 28, 2001
Well, Jack Lemmon is dead. Keith gets one more dollar in the deathpool. Here's a toast to Keith and to Mr. Lemmon, whose best works will never be forgotten.
Wednesday, June 27, 2001
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhh! McDonald's opened a hotel in Zurich! It's the first sign of the Apocalypse!
Tuesday, June 26, 2001
It's the tournament to end all tournaments. Imagine a 65-team field where each team is a supporting character from The Simpsons...all to determine the best supporting character on the show. Vote here...a new matchup everyday...also, check out the bracket. I'd put money on the #3 seed Ralph Wiggum, but he might have trouble getting past the #1 seed in his bracket, Abe Simpson.
Monday, June 25, 2001
Not to offend anyone whose wedding I may have been to recently or may be attending in the near future, but wedding photographers are really annoying when they intrude on the ceremony. At my wedding (someday....okay, never) there will be no photo- or videographer, there will be only my best man with one of those oatmeal box pinhole numbers.
I'm real sorry about posting a link to this awful story about 12-year-old girls joyriding in grandma's Taurus, but I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned in there...somewhere. Ugh.
Thursday, June 21, 2001
A Maryland man has been charged with beating up Cookie Monster while on a trip to Sesame Place. It seems that this guy kicked Cookie in the head after pushing the lovable blue monster down to the ground. Then he said "C isn't for cookie, it's for the crap I'm beating out of you, jerk."
Wednesday, June 20, 2001
Two Dave Matthews Band tickets available for the SOLD OUT show at the Tweeter Center (formerly the e-Centre) in Camden, NJ on June 22. The show starts at 7:00. The tickets are for General Admission Lawn seats (where the fun is!) Face value $38.50 each ($77 for the pair) or BEST OFFER! If you missed DMB at Giant Stadium, or if you had fun there and want to see them again in a laid back, outside on the lawn atmosphere - these tickets are for you!! email firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com if you are interested! Remember, this show is SOLD OUT! Tickets are going for $80+ on ebay. Buy them from an Iracane, someone you trust!
Monday, June 18, 2001
Glenn Taijeron of Oahu, Hawaii was in for a big surprise last Thursday morning when he approached his toilet. Says Glenn, "As I was going to the toilet to lift the lid, I lifted it halfway and saw this big old brown thing." Oh really, Glenn? A big old brown thing in your toilet? There's something that never happens. As it turns out, thought, it was a snake.
Wednesday, June 13, 2001
Okay, kids, the word of the day is "emasculated." Read the definition and learn more about the word using context clues.
Monday, June 11, 2001
David Duchovny, in his new movie Evolution, plays a scientist named Dr. Ira Kane. Get it? Ira Kane? Iracane? I was quite amused at this similarity while watching this otherwise humorless movie on Saturday night...every time the name was mentioned, I clapped and giggled and shouted "That's me!"
Sunday, June 10, 2001
This simple and annoying game will keep idiots like you and me entertained for hours. My high score (so far) is 31. Can you do any better?
Friday, June 08, 2001
Kids, if you're going to read the newspaper while driving, have the common courtesy to glance up at the road now and then. People can be such jerks.
Thursday, June 07, 2001
I've got Bob Barker in my death pool, but the latest announcement that he will be staying on The Price is Right as host for another five years means that he's got a lot of living left. I knew I should have picked Morton Downey Jr.! (Or at least Robert Downey Jr.)
Sunday, June 03, 2001
A 47-year-old Georgia woman woke up from a drug-induced sleep to find that her pet poodle had chewed off her lower lip as she slept. But don't worry...this story has a happy ending. The doctors will use flesh from the woman's big fat ass to recreate the missing lip. You know, this is why I am a cat person. Cats wait until you die before they start eating you.
Saturday, June 02, 2001
For those of you who got screwed Memorial Day weekend by the rain, I bet you shook your fist in the air at the idea that it rains more on the weekend than it does during the work week. Well, it is a proven scientific fact that indeed, it does rain more on the weekend than during the work week. The cause? All the air pollution emitted during the week by millions of commuters. I'm totally serious.